"The Scam Known As Credit" Guest Blog, by Randy

The following is a guest blog from my husband, Randy.We both have been given the runaround with infertility treatments until time becomes our enemy. Anyone dealing with infertility and anyone going through credit repairs should read this post.

The Scam Known as Credit

Credit is necessary to conduct business and purchase homes, cars and many other items. So how is credit calculated?  If you watch commercials on TV from Equifax, Experian, Transunion and Credit Karma, the assumption is a consumer has one credit score (FICO). The truth is far from the reality of the advertisements.

I recently applied for credit so my wife and I could finance IVF. After checking my scores, I assumed my credit was in good shape. However, when I spoke with the creditor I was told my score was significantly lower than what I had been given on the credit bureau sites. I was flabbergasted and frustrated. I called the credit bureau to inquire about the difference in scores. The representative explained to me the score I see is based on one score criteria, and there are 1000’s of scoring models. The creditor makes the determination of which scoring model to use. 

This information was frustrating, infuriating and makes the possibility of having children through IVF almost impossible. It is difficult enough to be restricted because of insurance coverage or lack of. And then to add denial of financing, because of strict criteria and it becomes depressing.

This is extremely upsetting because unless you know and ask what the criteria is you would assume the score obtained on Credit Karma or one of the three bureaus is correct. So why are there so many models to calculate credit? I thought about this question and had several thoughts. First, depending on whether it is a secured or unsecured loan, more stringent criteria may be used. Second, the amount of risk companies are willing to take to loan money. Third, is a theory, but follow the logic. If the company uses a strict criteria, and the score is lower, then a higher interest rate can be used. This gives the company more money in interest. 

As a consumer, it is unfair to be assessed 1000’s of ways. How can a consumer plan and work to improve a score if the criteria used is different from what the bureaus use. It is unfair and almost legal fraud. Bureau scores give a false picture and want to charge for credit scores and monitoring. 

We as consumers need to get this practice changed. Many people are paying higher interest because of the many scoring models. If we are given a specific score from the bureaus then creditors should use the same score. This gives consumers an accurate picture of his or her credit and allows the consumer to get credit fairly.

© All original content copyright Randy Brannum, 2013-2016

Cinema Sunday ‒ Wadjda

Being a work widow while my husband is working mandatory overtime, I needed something to focus on instead of allowing myself to feel lonely. Indulging in my preference for foreign films, Cinema Sunday will be time to spoil myself. Today, I watched the 2013 movie Wadjda, written by the first female Saudi Arabian director, Haifaa al-Mansour.

The movie starts off at an all-girls school, where they are singing parts of the Quran. We get to meet Wadjda, an only child, in pursuit to get a bike of her own. For those who do not know, Saudi women and other Islamic females do not take part in exercises that may damage the hymen. Wadjda doesn’t realize this or care why; she is relentless in her pursuit. Women to this day are not allowed drive a car in Saudi Arabia.

Wadjda starts to save money to save for a brand new green bike. Some of how she gets raises money for this bike is questionable by her cultures standards ‒ "haram", or forbidden if you will. She makes and sells soccer team bracelets, exchanges notes between unmarried couples, pretends to cry are all part of her undertakings to raise money. Her act has not fooled her schoolmaster, who is on to her shenanigans. She soon enters a Quran reciting contest for prize money. Her skills are doubtful, but the instructors encourage her on. They hope this is more a reform of her urge. 

Her parent’s love each other but we learn through phone conversations is that her father’s mother wants him to take a second wife. This is culturally acceptable in Saudi Arabia. There is no question that Wadjda’s mother is not happy about sharing her husband. Wadjda is an only child; her mother cannot have more because she almost died in childbirth as we learn in the film. So the paternal grandmother pressures her father to conceive a son through a second wife. Heck men get pressure about infertility too. And how many wives would any man really want if they are fully enamored with another? Secondary infertility is just as devastating and is no less a disease. In the Islamic faith, many of the medical options for infertility are not acceptable or “haram”. 

In the end, if you are not going to see the movie, Wadjda’s mother is devastated by the marriage of her beloved husband to another woman. She realizes that her greatest love is Wadjda. If you are going to see the movie, that is wonderful and I didn’t ruin the ending for you. Director Haifaa al-Mansour is also adapting this into a book if that is more your style.

Women, no matter where they are in the world have the same dreams that we take for granted. Things we don’t question such as driving, riding a bike, taking a fresh breath of air without a veil, and last but not least, and treatment for infertility. I’m going to make my life count for them, with or without children.

© All original content copyright Nancy De Lazzaro Brannum, 2013-2015

Man on Clomid

Since playing a medical baby roulette, my husband and I are trying a different approach to the same old IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). We are taking a two to three month break as he goes back to his urologist to see what we can do to boost numbers. We are also trying some new vitamins (FertileAid®, OvuBoost®, DEHA). 

However, those are not what I am discussing today. Today is about being hormonal or rather, him being hormonal. After two years of hearing about other husbands on Clomid (clomiphene citrate) through online support groups, we finally had his new Kaiser urologist suggest it. A big shout out to my TTC Facebook groups. This is experimental and has been successful in increasing sperm production. His doctor ordered a before and after analysis to see for any improvement. Of course, I will post the results when this happens. Only time will tell. He has pulled the “I’m hormonal” card though. 

Now I have been on Clomid – a lot of Clomid. Above the recommended dose and enough to induce hot flashes.  When I was on Clomid, my husband did not notice any significant mood swings, grumpy, or emotional changes. Work was a different story. As I shared my experience with coworkers, it backfired. I was suddenly the only woman around with a period and who could possibly be PMSing. My husband was the one who pointed this out by the way.  I came home from work crying because everyone said I was hormonal. Mind you, he knew the women I worked with from helping with maintenance.  He noticed that the girls blaming me for every situation. Now the tables have turned and my lovely hubby is on Clomid. We do not know the side effects yet but maybe now we will not argue over watching a chick flick or just wanting a hug. 
 
© All original content copyright Nancy De Lazzaro Brannum, 2013-2015

Seven Year Itch

So as a wake up to give myself a a dose of Progesterone, there she, is aunt flow letting me know that my 4th Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) is a failure. Today is my 39th birthday. Most people would never think that my husband and I at our age are just starting a family. They haven't seen the seven going on eight year struggle with two surgical procedures, one miscarriage, and 4 failed IUI's. I will have to get around giving fake smiles and thank you so to everyone. These are the hidden moments of infertility that no one sees. These are the things that we hide. My husband and I miscarried three years ago on his birthday. These are hidden examples of how the disease of infertility chips away at any hope.

Most people cannot handle infertility and the pain it gives. Imagine if I let everyone who wished me a happy birthday know how upset I am? Imagine if I was at work today? The stiff upper lip is what you see with most infertile couples. And the truth is that for as many people who say that they are there for you, are some of the same people who would avoid me if I ever did open up.  

© All original content copyright Nancy De Lazzaro Brannum, 2013-2015

Two years ago today

Two years ago today, I found out that I was pregnant while at work. I was not the only one who got this news. A coworker got a text from his girlfriend notifying him that he was going to be expecting his seventh child. While he and his girlfriend ended up having a healthy baby, who will be three next year, I miscarried. He also had at that point three baby mamas. He also decided before this child was born that he was going to leave his pregnant girlfriend.

I found out last night that another coworker who I trusted just had a baby with this man. These two had lied about their relationship. The company we worked at never had a dating policy, so there was no threat as we were all independent contractors. The coworker who just had a baby has also had two previous abortions. So Octodad and Momonator have a new baby, making her his fourth baby mama while I have not been able to get pregnant again.

It is hard not to be frustrated. It is hard not to be judgmental. Here I am on Father’s Day, after eight years of trying, still not pregnant but with a fabulous sinus infection. The truth is life is not fair. God cannot work this way. Biology and peoples choices make things like this happen. I pray for those eight children. Oh what I would have given to have just one. Just one to make my husband a father – he would be a great father. One with integrity and love. One thing I know for sure, Randy would definitely be a better father than I a mother would make.

© All original content copyright Nancy De Lazzaro Brannum, 2013-2015

Maybe No Baby.........

I thought I was just getting sick. I have been overworking lately. Sore throat, lethargic, general yuckiness that would warrant a day off of work. I thought I was pretty strong and over this. But spending the next couple days in my pajamas and eating whatever is edible under my roof seems like a brilliant idea. Only at 3:30 am, I am now questioning whether I am mourning my miscarriage or just suffering from the blues? Maybe the blues are from the miscarriage? But it has been two years!

I’m sure that everyone goes through feeling this way, that feeling of helplessness and wanting to give up. I didn’t invent this emotion, and I am certain that others are better at it. 

I am tired of people saying things like “you better get sleep now before a baby comes.” It takes very little to interrupt my sleep.  I think that I am tired of trying. But I will keep going though. My fear is probably my reality. I will probably die childless and widowed, with 12 cats that I would accumulate after my husband’s death. These cats would eat my face off before the neighbors reported the smell of decaying flesh.

For anyone who has experienced a miscarriage I would recommend not letting your mind dwell on these thoughts. First, because the stray cat outside does need someone to feed her. Second, because even though you may have given up on a baby at the moment, you can’t give up on life. So my current plans are to keep trying but divert my attention to what parents can’t do like go to England and try a hot air balloon ride; anything that you can’t do with a baby. Any good suggestions?

© All original content copyright Nancy De Lazzaro Brannum, 2013-2015