What he found out from this first visit was that he had vericocele. In a nut shell (pun intended); vericocele are similar to varicose veins around the testicle. This is a problem because the extra blood flow from these veins creates excess heat making the sperm lethargic. Yes my friends; my husband has “Hot Balls”! Unfortunately, the surgery may or may not have a positive effect on his count. In fact, our insurance covers 100% of this surgery because it is not considered a fertility treatment.
My husband hates any form of sedation. He once had a root canal where he asked the dentist to not use Novocain on him. They agreed on the lowest dosage. While the procedure was being performed the medication wore out and the dentist did not know until the end of the procedure when air hit the nerve. Medication would not be negotiable in this surgery, but asked that he not be prescribed Morphine.
The day of the surgery, I went to work and got out early and met him and my in-laws at the hospital. My husband was all ready to go. My father-in-law was there for support and comic relief. My Mother-in-law was in full prevention mode, questioning the doctor if there is any way to make sure this could be prevented in the future or if there are any dietary restrictions or any herbal supplements. Randy’s Urologist is fairly humorous for a surgeon and has a great bedside manner. He was very polite with her and patient. He let her know that much like varicose veins; a lot of this is genetic and cannot be prevented. This did not stop her from asking the same questions in different variations.
As we said, “good luck, and see you after” I learned that it may not be the right place to ask my husband if he is sure he wants children. I got the glare of death or at least what death would look like with one of those surgery bonnets on. Rightly so; timing is not one of my strong suits. Next, are the family kisses and he is wheeled away.
My father-in-law and I are hungry as it is now 12:30pm. We go to a local sandwich shop. My mother-in-law will not leave the hospital. In fact, she doesn’t want food either. Her nerves are shot. Although she has a book; she more than likely has just reread the same sentences over and over. We don’t protest; instead we pick her up a sandwich just in case knowing that her anxiety is just on overdrive. We enjoy our sandwiches and return back. Within twenty minutes of returning from lunch, Dr. S has come out to let us know how Randy is. My mother-in-law finds her last opportunity to ask if this can be prevented, again. He gives her the same answer. It is genetic.
I am escorted back to the recovery room to help him get dressed. This will be the closest I will ever get to as to what Randy would look like inebriated since he does not drink. This does not make my job easier. It looks as if he had a Brazilian waxing gone bad. Giggling is hard not to do when helping one with his drawers. He is 6’3” and not a scrawny guy. He is going to have to sit on a donut looking cushion for the next couple days. This procedure left him with elephantiasis of the nut. The attendant wheels him out to the car. We drive home. My mother-in-law is relieved that he is out of the operating room as are the rest of us.
Over the next couple of days, Randy has junk on ice. He goes back to work on light duty. This surgery heals over the next six months. He is told to go to the lab after three months for another medical masturbation session and again after six months. During those six months of healing, we get our insurance paperwork to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. Shortly after recovery; we decide visit our favorite place, Disneyland. We avoid the E ticket rides, but Randy found out the hard way that Pirates of the Caribbean is more dangerous than he thought.
© All original content copyright Nancy De Lazzaro
Brannum, 2013-2013
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