Hello. My name is Nancy. My husband is Randy. We got married on February 5th, 2005. We dated almost 7 years before we got married. As you can imagine everybody we know thinks that it is about time we have a baby. But that is the funny thing about time. It may be “about time” for the average couple and we have been trying to “race time” to get to that point. In some occasions on this journey we have both felt like “time is wasting”. One thing for sure is that my time is running out. I am 36 years old. I do not want to be the old woman on the playground with everyone asking me how old my grandchildren are. This blog is not for someone squeamish. If you are going to read further please take note that I use inappropriate terms and humor to fight this battle. You will read things like vadge, hot balls, testicles, jizz, and flog the dolphin aka medical masturbation. I also found that through this journey, creating memes has been an emotional outlet. I will share some that I have made with the help of the Internet and the Generates ALL the memes app.
When we first got married, we got advice about strengthening our marriage. Parents telling us that it was good to wait a couple years before we had kids. No one told us that we needed both of us to get tested for fertility. No one told us that getting pregnant would be so difficult. High school taught us how to prevent pregnancy and what biologically happens. As a result, I have no filter with newlyweds now. My first piece of advice is for both to get tested if they never want children. I mean two years of expensive procedures and testing can become that “wait two years to have kids” time factor.
In our first appointment after 3 months of trying and still a negative Nancy, we decided to go to my Gyno; Dr.W. There we got the wasteful advice of “try for a year”. Now I like Dr. W. So this is not something I hold against him but, he sees pregnant women all the time. His biological clock is not ticking. My first wasted year was following this advice. It landed me a trip to his paper covered table one year later (not counting that lovely PAP test).
Back with Dr. W after my husband got tested. Randy is sitting on that complementary patient exam room chair, I am on the paper covered exam table. I look at Randy and jokingly tell him that Dr. W is going to come in and tell him that he could have been a man-slut in high school because he is as sterile as a cotton ball. What could be more devastating? I am good at expecting the worst. Dr. W comes in. Good news, we are not sterile. Bad news, my hubby has too much fluid causing dilution, six times more fluid to be exact. Yes ladies and gentlemen, my hubby has the money shot! Unfortunately he does not have a career in pornography and this little problem is not going to fix itself. This problem also comes with a side of high white blood cells which could indicate testicular cancer. So essentially we have healthy sperm to get pregnant but they have been drowning, oh and you might have a side dish of cancer. Please note that this is not how Dr. W. said any of this! He was very professional. My hubby gets a referral to see a Urologist and we march our way out of the office only to be face to face with my cousin and her husband. The perfect Ken and Barbie couple; we shall call them that to protect their privacy from now on.
Barbie is one of my few female cousins. I am the first grandchild of my family. She is the third granddaughter. She is one of those perfect cousins. She got married one year ago. Randy and I went to her wedding. This was a parade of snobby family members and us as the black sheep. It was not her fault and I hope she and her Ken are not hurt by this. She and I are stuck in a lot of family drama that neither of us has created. This was unmistakably evident with how family was placed to sit. Acceptable family on one table, those who were invited but not fit to socialize on a different table, where we could be easily ignored: not by the bride but by closer family members who deemed us beneath them. A couple of family members were not invited and some wouldn’t even attend and pretend and play nice. This is a cruel reality. She was cheated out of having her whole family support her.
Here we are. Face to face at the Gyno. She is going in, not showing but why else would she have her Ken doll husband with her? Clearly she will be making an announcement soon. We all say hi and I try to keep a stiff upper lip, but inside I am devastated. It’s bad enough to get our prognosis but now I am faced with genetic perfection and her attitude of entitlement. I left in tears but only my husband saw them. The ugly cry. Ken works with my Aunt Mary at the family’s construction business. He tells her that they saw us at Dr. W’s office and that I looked out of it. Mary knows everything. I don’t keep secrets from her. She is a surrogate mother to me. She just plays it off as I get severe cycles. But in reality we have a long way to go.
© All original content copyright Nancy De Lazzaro Brannum, 2013-2013
