Two years ago today

Two years ago today, I found out that I was pregnant while at work. I was not the only one who got this news. A coworker got a text from his girlfriend notifying him that he was going to be expecting his seventh child. While he and his girlfriend ended up having a healthy baby, who will be three next year, I miscarried. He also had at that point three baby mamas. He also decided before this child was born that he was going to leave his pregnant girlfriend.

I found out last night that another coworker who I trusted just had a baby with this man. These two had lied about their relationship. The company we worked at never had a dating policy, so there was no threat as we were all independent contractors. The coworker who just had a baby has also had two previous abortions. So Octodad and Momonator have a new baby, making her his fourth baby mama while I have not been able to get pregnant again.

It is hard not to be frustrated. It is hard not to be judgmental. Here I am on Father’s Day, after eight years of trying, still not pregnant but with a fabulous sinus infection. The truth is life is not fair. God cannot work this way. Biology and peoples choices make things like this happen. I pray for those eight children. Oh what I would have given to have just one. Just one to make my husband a father – he would be a great father. One with integrity and love. One thing I know for sure, Randy would definitely be a better father than I a mother would make.

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