As we go through infertility treatments, we get a lot of questions. Those don’t bother me. In fact, I would rather be open about it. However, it can and will get used against you. My fertility specialist Dr. S. put me on the hormone Clomid in the California summer heat wave. One of the side effects besides regular PMS is hot flashes. I could tell if the temperature was over 72° Fahrenheit. I certainly was moody but working with a bunch of women who also get PMS, I was the only one who got the blame. Any work tiff or squabble was my entire fault. I was on hormones; it wasn’t them. I didn’t have to say much either. Mistake on paperwork? She’s hormonal. Say something wrong, it’s your hormones. Mad because I disrespected your workspace? Must be the Clomid. People will ask about your condition and journey but please, don’t give them ammunition to blame everything on you. Any little issue with ineptitude, well, missy you just can’t discuss it because you’re hormonal and you usually would be able to tolerate it. Do not dismiss people’s ability to avoid accountability.
You and your partner’s genitals will also be judged. Everyone assumes that it is a woman’s problem. Not that I want people passing judgment on my husband’s junk either. When people meet you one of the first questions they ask is “do you have kids?” if you are not a rocket scientist they will want to know why. My great-aunt actually asked me in the middle of a painful family baby shower if I got regular periods! Talk about TMI! I let her know that I have no issues with my body. So she pressed and pressed. Finally, I just asked how many periods she has.
I was also told by my aunt Maddie, that she knew when I was a baby, that I was going to have a difficult time getting pregnant. Why? Because my mother suffered from endometriosis. It took her a full year to get pregnant. When her and my father decided to go seek medical help they found out they were expecting me. I was not that lucky. I was hurt that I was being judged so severely at a young age when I was never a factor. My cycle is clockwork. In my teen years, I did have a very heavy flow and did need to see a doctor, but nothing that would indicate pregnancy issues. My cousin had her appendix burst when she was young. Her fallopian tubes were damaged in the process. She had no choice but to go the IVF route. I have no such history. But again, I’m the one on hormones and Maddie could never be insensitive, right?
I did and still do have my moments of craziness but mostly by myself. Going through fertility treatments is insane. Albert Einstein said, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. That is infertility treatments in a nutshell; and menstruation is how you know that your efforts are in vain. One day, on a particularly heavy start to my period; I found out that Walgreen's, Target and Wall-Mart do not carry my particular brand of tampons in “your uterus just exploded” size. These were available on-line only. Just what every bleeding girl wants to hear, on-line order only. Okay? Where are the adult diapers!? I had to hide the ugly cry in the store. I called my husband hysterically crying. I had to go to my fourth store that day, CVS which was my only hope and I am forever grateful to them. If anything, this journey will give them my repeat business.
Did I mention aunt Maddie called me each day to find out if I was pregnant? Most of her conversations started with “hi, are you pregnant yet?” this was ok, just not 48 days in a row. This leads to answers like “no, I’m still on my period” or “I’m not ovulating yet”. Or better yet, I learned to let it go to voice mail. The problem with being open is that you will get feedback good and bad, the downside is holding everything inside.
© All original content copyright Nancy De Lazzaro Brannum,
2013-2013
